she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
