there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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