my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
