fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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