are you still at the devil's house?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Welp...herpes.
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When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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