Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
