I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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