I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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