they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
