she was so not down for the gang bang
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
