My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i think i just naturally attract stoners
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
