if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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