he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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