Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
