Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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