not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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