Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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