We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
