I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
