i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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