I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
