he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
