i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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