you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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