you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
