I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
