Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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