Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
