i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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