Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
