Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
