It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
