coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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