Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
