Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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