If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize