My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
