i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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