there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How does it feel to date your dad?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
