just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
