She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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