remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
