You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
