I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
