Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
