Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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