Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
