If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk