My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
