Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This house was built for laser tag.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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