never play flip cup with pint glasses
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
