paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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