I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
