how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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