she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
