my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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