I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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