I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
