carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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