Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
