yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
