Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
