He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
