for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
