Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
