When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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