Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
