the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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