Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
