I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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