How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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