I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
