I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
