dude i'm inner monologue high
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
