Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
