Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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