So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
