I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
