Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
