I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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