i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
